Thoughts on Adoption and Bonding

Full disclosure, I have not adopted, am not adopted, but have always held strong pro-adoption beliefs. The following observation and conclusion pertains specifically to infant adoption and I acknowledge the adoption of older children presents different challenges (that I still think are 100% surmountable):

I know a number of people who feel very strongly they would not be able to love an adopted child as much as their own, and that the child would also have difficulty loving them back. I also know many successful adoptions, and a tragically unsuccessful one as well. It's a complicated issue, but I think, honestly, when it comes to the issue of loving a child, one has a certain level of maternal/paternal instinct and if they reach a threshold in this department, they are capable of loving any child deeply, regardless of DNA.

When I had my newborn who had to be held all the time, this confirmed this belief for me. He was happy in my arms, he was happy in the nurse's arms, and in the arms of any friend that wanted to hold him. He just needed to be held. He needed to feel safe and secure and blood had nothing to do with that.

My feeling when he was born, which many women also experience, was not one of instant overflowing love. Specifically, I did feel love in the form of intense concern for his well-being followed, honestly, by the desire to nap. But we bonded a lot over those months snuggling and care-giving, actions that serve to increase our connection. However, I am certain that if, God forbid, I'd bled out on the operating table, he would have bonded with any loving arms that would have provided him a chest to snuggle on. The heartbeat would have been slightly different than the one he heard for 37 weeks but he certainly didn't seem picky about that from minute one.

I'm deeply, deeply in love with my son and if you see how he acts when I dare to go to the bathroom alone, you'll see he loves me too. I just also believe that if fate threw a non-biological infant into my mix, I'd be able to bond with them just the same, and them with me. I simply have no doubt.